her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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