You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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