this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
