sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
