Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
