He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
