my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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