Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
