there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
