The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
