So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
