to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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