and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
