tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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