my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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