Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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