we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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