I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
