If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
