Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
