When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
