Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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