onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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