matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
