youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
