well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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