Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
