thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
