yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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