Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
