the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
