Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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