What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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