How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
