It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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