the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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