I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
this hospital has no fireball
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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