Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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