I wish they made helmets for livers.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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