Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
