I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
