tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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