these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
