we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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