she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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