Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
