A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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