You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
