Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
