I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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