Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
