I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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