We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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