it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
