Cold hands, warm shart.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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