Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
