You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
