she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
