he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
