I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
