don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
