all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
