i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
