my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
