i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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