moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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