its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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