I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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