No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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