Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My vagina just clenched in fear
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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