I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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