I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
