as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
