We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
