:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
