Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I want is dick and wine.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
