There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
