Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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