I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
